Photo by Akil Mazumder
This Sunday’s liturgical reading is the Parable of the Sower from Matthew 13:1-9,18-23. For years I have followed along in the order it was written in the Bible. We all nod as we identify with whatever soil we feel we are in. I venture to say that very few of us feel we’re in the perfect soil. We'll stop somewhere before then.
I used to be involved in business development for small firms writing tons of proposals for contract work from the Department of Defense. I read them so often that I couldn’t see areas for improvement anymore. Someone taught me to read it backward, and suddenly, I could see them. So, when I feel stuck, I start reading backward.
When I read Jesus’s explanation of the parable backward from perfect soil to hardened path, I see the trajectory of our lives within those soils. We are born with the perfect soil accepting God’s word without bias and being fruitful. But then life brings us thorns and weeds in the form of drama, wounds, trauma, and insecurity that choke us and rob us of energy that could be used for being fruitful. Then comes the stones in our soil, the imprisoned bits of our wounded childhood hearts and psyche that we choose not to acknowledge. Finally comes the hard soil where we have let life trodden down our whole hearts and faith to where God’s word can’t reach us.
This perspective adds more meaning to the path before us in Luke 18:17, “Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” This, my friend, is our calling to find a way back through the jadedness, hurt, and doubt to receive the word of God like a little child again. Jesus said in Matthew 5:8, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.”
The path before us is called progressive sanctification. It is a process by which the Spirit leads us through gradual increases in likeness to Jesus. Paul describes it in 2 Corinthians 3:18, “And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” The journey is difficult as it requires us to reconcile all our baggage to lighten our yolk and be sanctified.
This clip from the movie, The Shack speaks to this process in many ways. Mack is saddled with grief, anger, and depression over the tragic and senseless murder of his young daughter, Missy. The only way that Mack can cope is to shut down all emotion, which is toxic to everyone grieving. In this scene, the Holy Spirit, Sarayu, asks Mack to help her clear a space in the garden that will be the burial place for Missy. Mack is angry, and Sarayu enables him to see that suffering and joy coexist in the complex garden of human emotions and be beautiful.
We all have baggage we bring into our relationship with God, whether we realize it or not. I used to spread the blame around for not being happy. It was mainly directed at those who couldn’t quench my incessant need for validation, including my bosses and spouse. My drivenness and pursuit of recognition were just set-ups for blame when the accolades stopped being enough. I jumped from job to job as I became exhausted and burnt bridges in self-righteous indignation, losing out on rewarding careers with great bosses.
My last job was a very toxic environment in the software industry that I tried to survive as I watched the entire company get fired one at a time over three years, including some of my good friends I had recruited. I had finally reached my limit, took out a home equity loan, and resigned to take a sabbatical to recover from burnout.
I spent six months on sabbatical toying with the idea of a software startup, but I was just too burnt out to find focus. Since I was over fifty, I faced the prospect of ageism in an industry that values youth. I wrestled with myself and my work history for six months. There was a pattern that I couldn’t blame others for. I had to acknowledge that the problem was me and my toxic addiction to validation that stemmed from my childhood trauma. It was one of the most humbling times in my life.
A fantastic thing happened once I became aware of my issues and practiced humility. I woke up one December day with the words “apply now” implanted in my brain. I jumped on my computer and surfed the job openings. My current job had just opened, and I was hired two months later. It’s been a good fit and challenging. I couldn’t ask for better bosses.
I have learned to maintain awareness of the siren’s call of my addiction to validation. I now have injunctions I put in place when I feel the urge. The beauty of it is that it has brought me closer to God as well as I practice humility and patience. I still have a long way to go to get where I am going, but I know this is my path because God is there, just like a friend.
I like this song, No Doubt About It by We The Kingdom. It speaks to the journey of progressive sanctification that we all must take to return to good soil. This Bible verse from 2 Timothy 2:21 sums it up best, “Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work.” That, my friend, is why you and I must keep pressing on. This is the way.