Did You Believe That I Loved you

Loving those who seek to find me

Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash

Brennan Manning said, “I am utterly convinced that on the judgment day, the Lord Jesus is going to ask us one question and only one question: did you believe that I loved you? That I desired you? That I waited for you day after day? That I longed to hear the sound of your voice?”

Brennan was a former Franciscan priest ordained after serving in the Korean War. His memoir tells of a loveless, miserable childhood in a strict Irish Catholic family near New York City. In his memoir, he shares that he was drinking a dozen beers every night to wash down lesser amounts of rye whiskey and Japanese sake by age eighteen. That alcoholism would haunt him his entire life.

Brennan was known for always sharing the number of years since he was first ambushed by Jesus in a little chapel in the Allegheny mountains in western Pennsylvania that led to his conversion and path to a priest. He first served as a college campus minister, then joined Little Brothers of Jesus in France, where he worked as a mason’s assistant and dishwasher and spent six months in a desert cave in Spain.

He then returned to the U.S. to New Orleans, where he worked with poor shrimp farmers and their families. While in New Orleans, he left the Franciscan order to marry a woman. Unfortunately, his alcoholism helped to end the relationship after eighteen years.

His “inactive priest” status made him unwelcome in most Catholic gatherings, and he began speaking to mostly evangelical Protestant audiences. He would ask his audiences, “Do you remember the famous line of the French philosopher, Blaise Pascal?  ‘God made man in his own image, and man returned the compliment.’ We often make God in our own image, and He winds up to be as fussy, rude, narrow-minded, legalistic, judgmental, unforgiving, unloving as we are.”

Audiences found his candor and vulnerability about his life refreshing, leaving them with the hope that grace applied to them also. “To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side, and the dark,” Brennan wrote.  “In admitting my shadow side, I learn who I am and what God’s grace means.”

Proverbs 8:17 says, “I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.” The ability of God to use one man for good cannot be underestimated. Brennan Manning’s life, Divine revelation, and willingness to spread the good news profoundly affected the evangelical Protestant community.

One example is Rich Mullins, who described that his eyes were filled with tears when he heard Brennan Manning on tape for the first time driving through the edge of the Flint Hills in Kansas. He steered the truck to the side of the road. As he later wrote, the message "broke the power of mere 'moralistic religiosity' in my life and revived a deeper acceptance that had long ago withered in me."

Rich was raised on a tree farm. His mother was a Quaker, and his father moved them to Indiana. In that part of the country, athleticism and mechanical ability were highly prized. Rich was neither, much to the dismay of his father, who was distanced in nature. His sister says, “He literally could not change a light bulb.” He wrestled with crippling insecurities, alcohol, depression, and more. He began playing piano at age four, practicing in their rural Indiana church. He would pick up tunes in between his sister’s piano lessons.

Rich had a caring heart, so much so that his brother said Rich would cry when Indians were shot in John Wayne movies. His pastor challenged him to read the bible as he preached and not just take his word for it. Years later, Rich said the Bible “does not give us answers fitted to our small-minded questions, but the truth that goes beyond what we even know to ask.”

In his adult musical life, Rich is regarded as an artistic genius who rose to church fame and fortune in 1981 when Amy Grant recorded his song, “Sing Your Praise to the Lord.”. He was rebellious by nature and strived to make music from his heart, and despite the pressure that comes with becoming a musical success, he steadfastly refused to make music to be popular.

Brennan Manning wrote in the Ragamuffin Gospel, “The deeper we grow in the Spirit of Jesus Christ, the poorer we become - the more we realize that everything in life is a gift. The tenor of our lives becomes one of humble and joyful thanksgiving. Awareness of our poverty and ineptitude causes us to rejoice in the gift of being called out of darkness into wondrous light and translated into the kingdom of God's beloved Son.”

Mullins founded a musical group, A Ragamuffin Band, named after Brannen Manning’s book. He dealt with the weaknesses of his life with honesty and transparency, which is far too often missing in today’s contemporary Christian culture. He was determined to live his life in a transcendent way. He only paid himself what the average American made and gave away the rest of his wealth. He eventually walked away from Christian music fame and fortune to live on a Navajo reservation and teach music before tragically dying in an auto accident at age 41.

In James Bryan Smith’s biography of Rich Mullins, he wrote, “During his life, Rich Mullins challenged the sensibilities of what it means to follow Jesus in today's world, and now in his death, he challenges all to build upon his legacy of joy, compassion, brokenness, unblinking honesty, and wonder of an awesome God.”

Do you believe that Jesus loves you? Our heart thirsts for that life-giving encounter with God. A God that longs to have a deep and meaningful conversation with us. Inspired people like Brennan and Rich share stories of when their dissatisfaction encounters Jesus and that life of grace begins. Sharing experiences is a process called parables that Jesus used to spread the good news. Wikipedia defines a parable as a short tale that illustrates a universal truth; it is a straightforward narrative. It sketches a setting, describes an action, and shows the results.

One day his disciples got up the courage to ask him why he preached in parables. Jesus says in Matthew 13:13, “This is why I speak to them in parables: Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand.” Jesus tells his disciples that the unbelievers will hear and see it but choose not to embrace it. However, the believers will get it because they understand the kingdom of God they have adopted.

Do you believe unequivocally that Jesus loves you? That is your search. Your mission is to seek it out, find rich soil, and produce fruit a hundred-fold, as it says in the scriptures, for living a good life.  Millions of us search, find, and speak in our parables. Parables that not everyone will understand even though they see and hear them.

Maybe you’re having trouble understanding the parables in your life. Don’t lose hope. Who is it that speaks the words you long to hear? Who is your Brennan Manning or Rich Mullins that gives you hope that Jesus loves you? There isn’t one way; there are many ways to have a loving relationship with God. Be open to opportunities, maybe unconventional ways, to build a relationship that compliments the life and mission God had intended for you.

The only person that was meant to change the entire world is Jesus. We are designed to share our belief in the glory of God, even if it is only one person.  People are waiting to hear what Jesus means to you through your lens to know they are not alone and that there is hope. They need to know they are loved if they see God loves you and that you love God. Don’t stop believing that God loves you because if God can love me, Brennan, and Rich, God can love you too. This is the way.